I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
