I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
