so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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