Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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