woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
