Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
