I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
