We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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