I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
