We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
