I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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