obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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