it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
