I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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