It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
