this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
