Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
