He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
