She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
