I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
