Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
