I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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