I think my vagina is haunted
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
