why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
