I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
