Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
