Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
