I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
