Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
