she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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