I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
