he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
