Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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