I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
