I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
