Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
