Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
