I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
