how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I need moral support for this bender
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
