if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
