OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize