Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
