Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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