You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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