I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
