I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
