Im at strip club and am horny
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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