she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
