But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
