My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Found your dick twin last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
