Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
