My nipple is on Facebook.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
