If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
